I confess
by Steph.107
Summary: It was that night that I realised I wanted to spend my life with you, and I was angry at myself for wasting the last seven years that I had known you on a friendship only hanging on by a thread, based around Harry and on arguments...'


**A/N: ... Another story about Ronconfessing and reflecting onthings...**

**Thanks to _Ryan1471_ for doing his 'thang'! **

**Disclaimer: I dont own anything. Except this chair.**

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I think that, over the years, my main interest about you has been pure fascination. In fact, I know it has, there has always something new and different about you, which hit me just as bad every day since I first met you. 

Meeting under unlikely circumstances where we scarcely knew each other, hated each other it seemed, I still felt as though I had known you before somewhere, like when you look into the night sky, and see some far off star, and recognise it for all its beauty because you're sure that you've seen it before. That's exactly how I felt with you at first. I tried to hide it with my pointless and embarrassing ways of mocking you, which gave two different outcomes. One was that I was almost the immediate cause of your almost death, the second was that, because of how horrible I was about you, Harry, you and myself became friends, eventually best friends, all because Harry said we had to come and help you. Not that you've ever really needed protecting though. It was painfully obvious that you where strong and independent enough to look after yourself, and would have probably got on better so far in life without me tagging along, but I guess I'm essentially a selfish person, because I can't keep myself away from you Hermione, no matter how much I know I don't deserve to even be in your company sometimes.

I remember in our second year at school, when you'd been petrified, and when I saw you lying on that bed in the hospital wing, I couldn't bear it, I took all my strength not to cry for you there, instead I waited until I was alone at night, and cried then. I couldn't do it in front of you, not because I wanted to appear less emotional, and more manly maybe, but because I had to be strong for you, there was always that voice in the back of my mind telling me that if I gave up, if I gave up on you, then you'd give up too, and I was terrified that I'd never get the chance to speak to you again, never see that faint angry blush grow in your cheeks when we were arguing, which, what most people find amusing I'm sure, is when I feel we're closest.

The second year was just the start of your rebellious side as well, but our first two years together could never prepare me for our third year. We argued almost constantly, and every time I was shocked at how strong you and your arguments were, that I knew I was always fighting a losing battle against you. Not only because you were always right, but because just you specifically, distracted me. Sometimes, back then and now, all coherent thoughts I had would suddenly vanish if you suddenly touched me in any way, either if you brushed your arm against mine, or hugged me out of the blue, even when you've hit me in the past. Just your touch is enough to make me forget my surroundings, and, if an argument was present, I'd forget all my anger towards you and in its place affection would come, stronger then ever before.

The fourth year was when people saw more of my particularly foolish side, I fell out with both you and Harry that year, I couldn't see back then that I was special to someone, and when it was me that Harry couldn't live without, I couldn't have been happier, because I was someone's best friend, that he could rely on for friendship and whatever other traits I had to offer.

The Yull Ball, once again, I'm sorry about how I acted that night, and about that night, and about your date in fact. I guess my blatant jealousy got in the way of actually realising that you and Victor were just friends, and nothing more. I hope in time you'll forgive me for that, even if you already have, I won't ever stop trying to make it up to you, because I've realised he was someone for you to easily confide in, because of how little you would see each other, so personal things wouldn't have been much of a problem to discuss I imagine.

During what was meant to be our last year at Hogwarts, it got to me every day by how resourceful you were, how bright and courageous you still were, even when Harry seemed ill at ease, and I had more or less given up on the situation. I'm terribly sorry for leaving that night, as soon as I did, I regretted it straight away, the anger I felt towards you and Harry was turned on myself, I was childish, immature and more miserable then ever. However long I was away felt like years, I can't even recall how empty I felt, I don't think I'd like to, and from the way you treated me when I returned, I can only imagine how my sudden departure made you feel as well. When most of our differences were sorted out again, in the Malfoy Manor, I can never forget the sound of your screams, the agony you must have been in, the fear in your voice, and I couldn't do anything, I should have done more to protect you, but all I could feel was my heart braking in two at the sound of your agonised screams, your fear blinding me, and all I could think was, "not her". I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that night, however much I try to, I'm terrified that we are somehow going to find ourselves in a similar position in the future, you, terrified and screaming for help, and then me, on the sidelines, not knowing what to do, not being able to do what I should know to do, being every bit as helpless as you would be.

The night of the final battle, I know everyone has something to say about that night, and I know I rarely speak of that night, but now I'm going to. Everyone has lost someone that night, I lost my brother, dear friends, we all thought that we had lost Harry as well, and I cant deny how strongly I wanted my life to end at that point when I thought he had died, but my happiness when we realised he was alive was almost as unbearable as my sudden depression when we thought he was dead, and when he was speaking to Voldemort, so brave, so calm, I realised then that he had grown up to what he is now, and that it was time for me to do the same. That was one of three things that kept me going through the battle that night. The other two were when my sudden idea of how to destroy the horcruxes impressed you so much, and when you kissed me, our first kiss, it felt like electricity was cursing through my veins instead of blood, and the connection between us was suddenly stronger. It was that night that I realised I wanted to spend my life with you, and I was angry at myself for wasting the last seven years that I had known you on a friendship only hanging on by a thread, based around Harry and on arguments, I was going to treat you better, and I was going to love you with all my heart.

Even from the first year, I think it was mainly your intelligence that I found fascinating, and how someone who had eleven years less experience of the magical world know more about it then me, someone who, in some families, was known as someone not even worth acknowledging, unless it was to insult or harm them in some form. Obviously that wasn't the case with my family, they all instantly liked you, and Harry of course, and although my mum did take a rather strong liking towards Harry, seeing him as one of her own sons, I always had a feeling that she liked you in a different way to Harry, because I don't think she ever expected her only daughter to marry him, but with you, I guess she always had the same hope that I did that we'd end up together. I guess my affection towards you had been obvious to my mother all along.

I've promised myself that that nothing bad will ever happen to you again, and that I'll be there for you every time you think of that night at the Malfoy's, anytime you think of anything at all that brings back painful memories, and every time you need someone to hold and love you, I promise I will be there.

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**Another story complete, reviews would be fun.**

**_Steph.107._**


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